Maternity Lingerie…

Warning ~ Some people might be bothered by the topic. 🙂

Intimates. Lingerie. Underwear. When we look these up online in department stores we normally get a wide range of cute and frilly to very steamy and of course the bizarre. This all changes when one puts the word ‘maternity’ in front of any of these words and looks them up in the same department stores. Target does have a better selection than most… if theirs were in stock. The sexiest thing one will find is the nursing bra.

The most bizarre is the duel pump nursing bra*. The 2nd most bizarre are the belly band. These are used as either a support bra for one’s large belly* or to help one hide the fact that one just had a baby.

What it looks like on the website model…

What it looks like on someone who just had a baby…

When one wants sexy underwear the best most places have to offer is…

This or…

This… These granny bad boys are sure to turn any man’s head on Valentine’s Day!!!

I guess the department stores have decided that once pregnant no one is doing anything because it’s icky-gross when she’s got a big belly and something moving around in her tummy. And two, ‘No one wants to see that, now cover it up… now cover it up again… Now if it doesn’t stay covered we might get out the maternity moo-moo dresses*. Thank you.”

Note ~ I’ve found at least one department store that doesn’t even list maternity underwear by any name. It’s like hide and seek trying to find it. I really think that they want to pretend that there is just another outfit under the one we pregos are wearing.

Note Note ~ Some stores do sale maternity lingerie online, but most of them are on smaller websites. Heck, last I looked Amazon won’t even touch cute maternity lingerie… You know, that’s someone’s mom!!! She can’t dress hot!!!

*Not drawn here

I stand corrected. Amazon does carry some lingerie that is not for grandma. I could not find any the time before when I looked, but it’s been about 2 years since I looked there last. I have checked JC Penney, Wal*mart, Target, and a few other department stores just this last week, and some today, and granny is the best we’ve got from them. Target’s good stuff is out of stock, if I remember right, it’s ALWAYS out of stock.

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Frankenstein’s Dinner…

There have been times, more than once, where I am asked my least favorite question in the world and had to come up with an answer, an answer that I had to make up.

Every mom (or dad) has a panic solution for when this question catches them off guard. Some order pizza, others play it cool and act like take-out was their plan all along, not me… I go into full freak-out- and-cook-now mood. I forage the fridge looking for a ‘green’, I hunt the cupboards in hope to find a wheat, I search the remains of the kitchen looking for the protein and iron food (normally a meat), and then pray a dairy will pop up along the way. That is when I make, what we refer to as, Frankenstein’s Dinner.

Just like the monster he created, Frank’s dinner is whatever we I could dig up all stitched together in one bizarre and freakish meal. Unlike Frank’s monster I do try to make sure this dinner is healthy and won’t chuck small children in the river.

Bon appétit

Note ~ (Frankenstein Spoiler) On the topic of Frankenstein, I know the book and movie are different, in the book he saves the little girl and in the movie he kills her. I need to read it again… it’s been so long.

Pregnant Women and Toddlers…

Now for some fun! Warning there is a little potty humor here today…

The other day I was at a friend’s house, we were drinking hot chocolate and letting the little ones play. Her two year old son (who is being potty trained) vanished for a few minutes. He reappeared cheering for himself and without pants. He wanted us all to go and view what he had just done. Yes, us ALL. I was not left out just because I was a guest. I’m sure you guessed it — he pooped in the potty! YAY!!!

My friend was a little embarrassed, but I understood and I let her know that the other day I announced (without the show and with pants on) to my family my bathroom accomplishments. She laughed and we went on to joke about how pregnant women and toddlers have a lot in common… a lot.

Before I was pregnant I would have never told even the closest of friend that I was constipated; now I chat with a few others due in July about how pregnancy has clogged us up, and I’ve never even met these people in person. We try to help each other with ideas from drinking hot cocoa to safe poo softeners to going out in the woods and eating twigs and berries. (The last one is a joke, don’t try it!)

This all left me with an idea of making a little bit of a blog series ~ The Similarities of Toddlers and Pregnant Women. So here is the first one…Note ~ This series won’t be every day or consecutively all the time, just when I get the chance to share a new one.

Note note ~ Being with child really does slow you down in every way.

Note note note ~ I might change the series name… I’m only good at naming kids and characters — not labels, titles, and such.

My Yesterday…

BIG RANT ~
1. It is NOT cool to have a stalker or be stalked
2. It is super scary when it’s aimed at children (like my children)
3. It is trespassing to go into someone’s backyard in the VERY early am hours when you are NOT invited
4. Leaving candy on the cement of a porch with people who have dogs is stupid
5. Having it be a back porch where a dog finds it first and eats chocolate is cruelty
6. Leaving $15-30 worth of candy for my kids (that I wouldn’t let them eat anyway) and almost killing one of their dogs with it is not worth the $250 vet bill nor does it make the kids like you
7. My kids now feel that they and their dogs are unsafe in THEIR HOME
8. THE COPS WILL BE CALLED NEXT TIME
9. Also don’t knock on my window at 2:30am to try and wake the baby so you can see her. I was awake.

All the gates are now locked. Thank God the dogs sleep in the girls rooms at night and the baby in ours. I don’t care if this is ‘family’ my kids are scared and want nothing to do with them. I have told them to leave us alone. My husband is worried about going to work and leaving us home. He is also looking in to ways to protect his family from intruders and I’m looking in to getting motion lights for the backyard. It might not stop them, but it will make it a little more of a challenge. Mother-in-law is talking about getting an alarm put in as a gift for us.

For those worried about the beagle. The dog is going to be ok, but will be on a special diet for a week and will need a little extra TLC.

Note ~ I hope the next post I get to post is funny… Sorry about this one friends. Sometimes life is a little scary.