Even being a stay home mom I work with clowns…

I was sitting down minding my own business editing when I was needed to run to the store really fast to grab a few things for dinner. I left all my editing stuff out (although I did take my phone with me).  Leaving it all out might have been a mistake.

This is how it looked when I left…

One computer has all my writing (I don’t have internet on it), one has a dictionary/ thesaurus open, and one is just for research. I know I could have windows open for the research and thesaurus, but I didn’t want too. Also I had my phone next to me because I always get phone calls and texts when I’m writing or editing — not because of Facebook or Twitter or anything. I’d never waste time there. The binder is one of my beta’s with their notes and such, and the list on the binder is my “said list.”

When I returned home from my store run I found this…

Ok, one of these is broken, one is my oldest daughter’s, one is my husband’s, and then they put their cell phones on the high chair… *deep sigh*

Yep, I can’t get away from clowns in my work place. I guess I should be glad that they didn’t mess with anything important.

Note ~ My “said list” is a list of about 100-200 ways to say “said” so I don’t always say “she said” or “he said.” It reminds me to add the extra emotion and use words like words for example “she cried” or “he chuckled.” When I first write the story I usually write it so fast I just over kill the word “said.”

Pregnant Women and Toddlers vs. The Shoes…

The Similarities of Toddlers and Pregnant Women continues…

Both toddlers and pregnant women have trouble getting their shoes on — particularly matching shoes on. The reasons are different, with tots it’s that they are just learning and want to do everything by themselves and with us big bellied ladies it’s more of a contorting and vision obstacle issue. Trust me, when I get as big as I should be in the months to come I never mind getting a little help. Please and thank you.

Maternity Lingerie…

Warning ~ Some people might be bothered by the topic.

Intimates. Lingerie. Underwear. When we look these up online in department stores we normally get a wide range of cute and frilly to very steamy and of course the bizarre. This all changes when one puts the word ‘maternity’ in front of any of these words and looks them up in the same department stores. Target does have a better selection than most… if theirs were in stock. The sexiest thing one will find is the nursing bra.

The most bizarre is the duel pump nursing bra*. The 2nd most bizarre are the belly band. These are used as either a support bra for one’s large belly* or to help one hide the fact that one just had a baby.

What it looks like on the website model…

What it looks like on someone who just had a baby…

When one wants sexy underwear the best most places have to offer is…

This or…

This… These granny bad boys are sure to turn any man’s head on Valentine’s Day!!!

I guess the department stores have decided that once pregnant no one is doing anything because it’s icky-gross when she’s got a big belly and something moving around in her tummy. And two, ‘No one wants to see that, now cover it up… now cover it up again… Now if it doesn’t stay covered we might get out the maternity moo-moo dresses*. Thank you.”

Note ~ I’ve found at least one department store that doesn’t even list maternity underwear by any name. It’s like hide and seek trying to find it. I really think that they want to pretend that there is just another outfit under the one we pregos are wearing.

Note Note ~ Some stores do sale maternity lingerie online, but most of them are on smaller websites. Heck, last I looked Amazon won’t even touch cute maternity lingerie… You know, that’s someone’s mom!!! She can’t dress hot!!!

*Not drawn here

I stand corrected. Amazon does carry some lingerie that is not for grandma. I could not find any the time before when I looked, but it’s been about 2 years since I looked there last. I have checked JC Penney, Wal*mart, Target, and a few other department stores just this last week, and some today, and granny is the best we’ve got from them. Target’s good stuff is out of stock, if I remember right, it’s ALWAYS out of stock.

Frankenstein’s Dinner…

There have been times, more than once, where I am asked my least favorite question in the world and had to come up with an answer, an answer that I had to make up.

Every mom (or dad) has a panic solution for when this question catches them off guard. Some order pizza, others play it cool and act like take-out was their plan all along, not me… I go into full freak-out- and-cook-now mood. I forage the fridge looking for a ‘green’, I hunt the cupboards in hope to find a wheat, I search the remains of the kitchen looking for the protein and iron food (normally a meat), and then pray a dairy will pop up along the way. That is when I make, what we refer to as, Frankenstein’s Dinner.

Just like the monster he created, Frank’s dinner is whatever we I could dig up all stitched together in one bizarre and freakish meal. Unlike Frank’s monster I do try to make sure this dinner is healthy and won’t chuck small children in the river.

Bon appétit

Note ~ (Frankenstein Spoiler) On the topic of Frankenstein, I know the book and movie are different, in the book he saves the little girl and in the movie he kills her. I need to read it again… it’s been so long.

Pregnant Women and Toddlers…

Now for some fun! Warning there is a little potty humor here today…

The other day I was at a friend’s house, we were drinking hot chocolate and letting the little ones play. Her two year old son (who is being potty trained) vanished for a few minutes. He reappeared cheering for himself and without pants. He wanted us all to go and view what he had just done. Yes, us ALL. I was not left out just because I was a guest. I’m sure you guessed it – he pooped in the potty! YAY!!!

My friend was a little embarrassed, but I understood and I let her know that the other day I announced (without the show and with pants on) to my family my bathroom accomplishments. She laughed and we went on to joke about how pregnant women and toddlers have a lot in common… a lot.

Before I was pregnant I would have never told even the closest of friend that I was constipated; now I chat with a few others due in July about how pregnancy has clogged us up, and I’ve never even met these people in person. We try to help each other with ideas from drinking hot cocoa to safe poo softeners to going out in the woods and eating twigs and berries. (The last one is a joke, don’t try it!)

This all left me with an idea of making a little bit of a blog series ~ The Similarities of Toddlers and Pregnant Women. So here is the first one…Note ~ This series won’t be every day or consecutively all the time, just when I get the chance to share a new one.

Note note ~ Being with child really does slow you down in every way.

Note note note ~ I might change the series name… I’m only good at naming kids and characters – not labels, titles, and such.

Q: Where did I go for two months? A: The bathroom…

One of the other reasons I’ve been out most of November and December.

When will this morning night sickness ever end? The doctor did say that it’s often an indicator that everything is going well.

As a lot of my readers know it took Richard and me 6 years to have our baby so this was an ENORMOUS shock, but we’re very happy all the same.

IF everything goes as planned…

In June I should have the fat feet that are bigger than the belly (and surprisingly I STILL cannot see them). The girls will paint my toes all kinds of crazy colors… hey, I can’t see them! My right arm (with the pinched nerve) gets way worse, but it’s worth it.  My hair losses its body because there is now more of it. I have ever pink cheeks… I really do glow when I’m pregnant. I’ll be a few sizes bigger than last time. And a very full belly, bladder, and heart… One that’s full of baby, one squished with pee in it, and one with love that just keeps growing as my family does.

In July I should have a little smaller belly, but full arms. The feet shrink almost overnight along with the pinched nerve that gets 100 times better. The hair starts to slowly fall out, so it gets some body back… as I start getting mine back. The pink cheeks and glow go from me to the little bundle of joy. The weight stays… oh the weight loves to stay, it even invites some friends over to my butt and hips. With the belly flatter and the bladder able to hold more, the heart has a little more room to grow even BIGGER as I see the baby open their eyes for the first time and water runs out of mine. Yes, I cry every time I see them open their lovely eyes. Silly, I know.

If the baby isn’t shy in a few weeks I’ll let everyone one know if we’re having our first boy or if we are going to get to be cheap and keep it pink. Either way I’m happy. The 12 year old wants another girl, almost demands it. The 15 year old is thinking blue — all the time. Hubby and I would like to just have a healthy little one… cute would be nice too.

I’ve had two ultrasounds already (I’ve been told that the baby looks great) and I passed all my 35 and over tests with flying colors. YAY!!!

I hope everyone is getting to share good news and happy times with their loved ones. I’m glad I could share this with you.

FYI ~ Most fertility books DO NOT tell the reader that ‘you are most fertile after you have a baby.’ This is something we learned on our own.

Shopping…

My oldest and I went to Target not that long ago. It was an interesting experience for both of us, but mainly her.

First stop MOM BRAS! Yes, mom needed a bra or two… My 15 year old didn’t handle this well at all.

At first I was escorted away from this area of the store while being told by my 15 year old child that, “You have enough bras at home. You don’t need any more.” She REALLY honestly said this to me. While shopping for other things I offered to take off my bra and show her how ratty and tattered it was. She didn’t like that idea very much and finally allowed me to pick one out (maybe two) if she could wait two rows over in socks. And I had to agree hide them under everything so no one would see them. Oh yes, and we were not allowed to talk about ‘them’ the rest of the shopping trip.

Next we were off to pick out a few shirts for my husband.

My daughter wanted to die for a brief moment when she witnessed an orange grizzly-man with his pants half on (or half off — depending on if you’re an optimist or not) trying on shirts in the middle of the t-shirt row. She told me after the ordeal was over that she expected that in Wal*Mart but not Target. LOL!!!

A few other things happened. We took a few pictures down the toy isles of gift ideas for her sisters. We even grabbed a few stocking stuffers, like lip gloss, and nail polish (although 95-97% of the stocking stuffers my hubby bought this year… alone – that’s a whole other blog post.)

After it was all done and we were in line getting ready to check out I was poked in the shoulder… Ouch!

The guy stepped back a little and apologized… plus…

I was polite and I did try to use my hand with my rings a little more when I was checking out. But he just kept flirting. It was so obvious that the casher gave me a few funny glances.  You know the type? The ‘girl-friend eye talk’ kind of glances — the ones that are screaming, “He is SOOOOOO hitting on you!!!” LOL! Anyway my daughter wanted to curl up and die. At least that’s what she said on the way out to the car. She also made a note that “Mr. Mom-Flirter” saw my new bras. And on the topic of bras — she was not pleased with my new bras either. She told me I could keep the white one but the black lace one HAD to go back.

I hope anyone out there shopping with their teen/s had a little better luck than we did. But hey, it gave me something to blog about.

One of the best things about cold weather…

I love it when it’s cooler. There are many reasons and I’m debating making a list and blogging about it, but one of the reasons is below…

The other morning I poured myself a nice hot cup of coffee. It was wonderful. I didn’t break a sweet or anything and having a nice warm drink in my hands felt gooooooooood. I started to sit down next to my daughters when I was stopped.I’m so going as a werewolf weremama this year!

Note ~ When I showed this to my 14 (almost 15) year old she laughed in that ‘I want to hide in my closet for a month’ laugh. She was also shocked, as well as slightly grossed out, that I blogged about my lovely hairy legs.

Note Note ~ I HATE shaving my legs! I cut, nick, slice, slash, gash, and maim myself about 1,000 times every other shower in the summer.

The uninvited guest…

For dinner we had an uninvited guest. I swore I saw it lick its proboscis at me and the kids. I’m sure we looked like a four course meal. I don’t know why, but mosquitos like me and the girls (at least the older two) more than my husband.  Maybe we’re warmer, or we smell soft and mushy… I don’t know why I just know this is the case.  After the mosquito was squished, it was the topic for………. well, it still is the topic for the night, and as with most things, my husband looked though lenses that magnify things differently when it comes to bugs (spiders excluded).This is what the girls and I saw. Look at the size of that thing!!!

This is what he saw. Can you even see it? It’s there… really.

Note ~ We don’t kill all bugs found in the house, but since mosquitos carry disease that can kill and hurt everyone in our home – even the dogs. This bug lost its blood sucking life tonight.

Note Note ~ I drew these last night.

His True Love…

After a stress filled night and a long hard day at work, full of anxiety.  My hubby hops in the car and races home going a little over the speed limit the entire way.  He knows his love will be there when he walks in the door. He’s checked on his true love many times over the last few days.

He rushes in the house and declares himself to the love he’s been waiting for…

He checks it over for any damages or harm. Once he sees that it is lovely and perfect. He shows it a little affection.

*Sniffle* “Isn’t she the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen?” He asks me.

I stare at him blankly and wonder off to phone the doctor only to find that he is out sick with the iPhone Flu.

Did anyone show up at work today? The only reason my hubby was there was because he missed a week this school year already

Note ~ The baby learned to say APPLE this week and my hubby wanted her to greet the delivery guy saying her new fav word. BUT when the man with the new toy showed up I was in a towel and felt that I should just let him take the paper and leave the phone on the doorstep. I’m sooooo glad I remembered to put the form on the door before my shower or it would have been a LOOONG unpleasant weekend or a very interesting new blog post… :-/