Sorry Lord, for these screw-ups you are about to receive…

(Note ~ This is a little out of my comfort zone but still wanted to share.)

There are times as a parent were we are floating on cloud nine, on top of the world,  thinking that, although we may not be perfect, we’ve done a fairly good job.  After all, one of the kids made Dean’s List, the other was given a blue ribbon in science, and the baby is starting to talk. Ahhh, all is right.

And then someone comes along and bursts our bubble (usually one of our kids).

I think I need to say this first…  We are not the most religious family. My oldest has read the Bible all the way though, we believe in God, doing what’s right, the Ten Commandments, the Golden Rule, and so on… (Don’t worry, I don’t get preachy!)

When my 14 year old was little she used to think that God was a sweet and loving puppy. Really, but we fixed that and all was well….. or so I thought.

My oldest explained her take on God  –
Apparently, God was a little kid when He invented dinosaurs.  He was young, enjoyed toys and liked to play.  So why not make and play with dinosaurs like most young boys? (It does not end here!)
She went on saying that when God was about 10-12, He was starting to grow up.  He still liked to play but not with ‘little boys toys’ He wanted woolly mammoths, saber-toothed tigers, and other furry but cool toys. (I’m now starting to really worry.)
Next God was a teen – we are THE teenage mistake; the one big, one that all teenagers make, the one that comes in a large range of major blunders.  The human race is the big blunder and He’s just sitting back wondering if He should start all over with something more adult.

I’m glad my daughter can talk so openly with me. Yes, we talked and talked and talked about the Bible and everything.  I’m still wondering if I should have her go to church with her grandma on Sunday… maybe we all should go?

Hacked…

Yep, the day after my Walmart account was hacked my 13+ year old e-mail was. So anyone with my Boom_Shanka_@Yahoo.com 1997-2011 RIP It is no longer alive.

UPDATE ~ One of my friends said that Yahoo just changed their entire security setup so they *might* have locked it down during this time. I still cannot get into mine but if anyone else is having this issue keep trying. And good luck!!! If we are lucky that’s all it was… BUT THIS IS A “MIGHT”/ “MAYBE”

UPDATE ~ I’m getting a lot of people who have searched ‘Walmart hack’ this week so I’m adding this (Sept 4, 2011). When ours was hacked we found out right away. My hubby called and they closed the account. The hacker had not ordered anything or used our Bill-Me-Later (thank goodness) over the phone we were able to 100% shut down our account. To all of you, I’m sorry and call ASAP so the thieves don’t use your credit. Good luck!

Just a Little stronger than they thought…

I love reading and giggling to JC Little’s blog. She is one awesome lady! So when she gets bullied that bully has more than one Little to deal with… she has a number of fans and fellow bloggers.

My art is not near as good as JC’s, but because she draws and makes everyone else feel great about themselves I just wanted to give her a hug.  Even though I am not a hugger. She’s made me laugh so many times how dare anyone make her sad! GGGGGGGRRRRR!

Note ~ Pickle Weasel is JC Little’s creation.  I just did my best to draw something that kind’a looks like him. And I thought of calling him PW Big here. (The PW is to hide his identity… maybe he needs a mask? The Big is to match the Little, but you probably figured that one out. )

Note Note ~ If this doesn’t make JC smile I promise to take it down with no hard feelings because right now her feelings are the ones that are hurt.

Note Note Note ~ I never draw teeth unless someone is mad. :-/ So making “happy teeth” was hard.

Trying to avoid those little things in life…

We all have people we want to avoid.  Sometimes we get lucky and they want to avoid us too. Other times those little pests search us out, they like to crawl under our skin, stalk us, lie in wait and attack.  These vermin can be from all walks of life.  They can be old friends, ex’s, neighbors, family members, or people we’ve never met in person but we all have them.  Being in a world were advertising on the web is the best way to have sales, and make friends, makes us all more vulnerable to these little pests finding us, stalking us, and damaging us.  Even sadder still, there are reasons we avoid them… usually they clash with who we are, what we do, the things we like, and sometimes we clash because their end goal is to hurt us in many ways.  If no one can tell I have one.  I do all I can to avoid them, but they have been hurting the family that I love with my more personal posts.  So I am writing this because I really like my readers, my fellow authors, and my new found friends but I am going to be more cautious.  I’m going to blog less about my personal life.  I’m going to not share so much on Twitter and FB either.  I am going to study the people I chat with a little more carefully before I get to that level of chatting.  This is all in the hopes that they will leave me in peace.  Because peace is all I want and all I have ever tried for.   I enjoy you my friends, my author family, and I am sorry I never wanted to have to do this.  I never wanted them to have this control.

For the love of books and libraries…

Yesterday, which was a Friday the 13th and I totally missed that it was but it did not miss me, I spent the majority of my day responding/ trying to respond on this article… http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-0513-tobar-20110513,0,3002882.column .  I was shocked, upset, hurt, and many other negative emotions, first to the fact that these librarians had to defend their jobs in an interrogation way, as if they were criminals, but more so to the ignorance of about half of the comments.  Most of these people very clearly did not research before they spoke, which helps proves that we do need to keep school librarians.  I know the vast majority don’t live in CA and most of them don’t know what life is like here.  This would be true for me if we were to talk about Minnesota, the state my husband was born, I know very little about this state.  I’m going to try my best to paint a picture of what we have here in CA and give you, the reader, the ability to investigate all that I say here.
I am just going to state facts here, no opinion.  I want to point out four major things that people were saying: the amount high school librarians make, use of CA public libraries, school librarians are teachers, and students with computers.
I live in South CA or So Cal if you want to call it that. I live in Kern County, not in LA or the LA area. My husband is a high school librarian for a lower income school and I used to work for the public library. The first thing CA cuts when they cut the budget are the parks, the second is the public libraries.  So when people say the kids can use the public libraries, well, that would be hard since they are hardly open.  Most are now only open about two days a week and that’s during school and working hours. Please look it up at Kern County Library. org.  Keep in mind that we have a big county too, so it might seem like we have a lot of libraries but some of the libraries are over an hours drive to the next nearest library and some are as close as a 15 minute drive apart.
Because a lot of the students here in Kern County, and most of South California, are from lower income families a large number of these kids don’t have the internet or a computer at home. The school library or their computer room (which is often attached to the library) is their only hope to research on the web.  And the school librarian is the person who teaches them how and what sites are good and true and what are not.
One person started that school librarians are ‘not teachers’ and that they were trying to take the jobs away from ‘real teachers.’  A high school and middle school librarian has to have a teaching credential first, and most of them have spent many years in the classroom before becoming the school librarian.  Also as the school librarian they are the ‘go to’ person when there is a need for an emergency substitute.  Not only do they have to know the standards for libraries (yes, standards: http://www.cde.ca.gov/ci/cr/lb/), but also be aware of all the rest of the curriculum for the school to have supporting books, know when new textbooks are to be adopted, keep up on resources for the classrooms, new technology for library and classroom, and constantly collaborate with teachers on lesson plans for use in the library or just to help the teacher on a lesson plan for the day since the classroom teacher sometimes can not think of something., this happens often with new teachers.
Finally, your typical school librarian makes about what the teachers do, around $47,000 – $70,000. BUT it takes about $10,000 – $15,000 to get the extra education for the librarian credential.  Look into it at Fresno Pacific University.  District librarians, which are not near as common, make near what an administrator makes and they have to have an administrative credential as well as the teaching credential and a librarian credential.
A little opinion here ~ Researching will help you find your answers.  Most school librarians are also technology teachers and show students how to surf the web for research, what is a safe site and what is not, they teach the incoming freshmen the functions of the library, along with much more.  My husband had to make a list of all his duties this year and that list was two full pages typed.  Just please, if you want to debate this, please, just do your research.
Now I know this is going to sound like a bit much, but I have two aunts who teach (one just retired but is now a sub and the other is retiring at the end of this year), I have a mother who (although we are not close) is also a high school librarian, I have a grandpa who is a retired superintendent /principle /teacher, an aunt-in-law who is an assistant superintendent, a mother-in-law who teaches 2nd grade, and a cousin-in-law who teaches kindergarten. All of them are in California, most in So.Cal; one is in the LA area and one is in central/ north CA. I know a lot of aspects in this topic, and most first hand.

Big opinion ~ One other thing I kept seeing in the comments was people discussing administrators.  Now from all that I have witnessed is that when it comes to admin taking a cut the entire district takes a cut of the same percent (example ~ admin 8%, teachers 8%, janitors 8% and so on).  At my aunts school the entire staff was forced to take a 10% cut so no one would be fired.  In my aunt-in-law’s school they all took a 5% cut for the same reason.  So when people say, ‘Admin has been cut over and over.’  This is not true.  Now I understand that schools need to be run and I’m not saying, ‘fire the lot of them.’ I am saying that schools who have two vice principles and one principle might want to cut down to one V.P. as people retire or move on. And districts that are one to two schools big might want to think about having the superintendent act as both principal and superintendent for at least one of the schools. Or, another idea, all vice principles could be cut so they make only $10,000 more then a teacher with the same number of years under their belts (example ~ Teacher works 15 years and makes $50,000 a Vice Principle at the same district works 15 years and makes $60,000).  I do feel that admin does seem to make a lot more then they should and I have witnessed them, in the past, getting a 10% raise while the teachers get a 2%. I just don’t feel that most of them should get the sack.
Here is a new link at what the admin makes in the same district that is letting all the librarians go. http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/05/high-level-salaries-approved-for-new-top-administrators-at-cash-strapped-la-unified.html I take that back, maybe some of them should get sacked.

For the love of books…

Grumble *blanked blank blank* stupid morons…
“Reading is not standard based” according to what my husband was told by his work and the high school library is hurting gravely because of it.
Question ~ How can one READ the standards if one cannot read at all?
The reading programs gone, the library is a shell of it’s former self. A tumble weed passes as dust swirls behind it from a gust of wind that leaves an empty ringing in ones ears. Hey, how did a tumble weed get in the library? Oh yeah, it was let in from the door of imagination. A door that is being slammed shut by administrators, budget cuts, and ignorant people who think reading is a waste of time. If we don’t allow reading in schools, what next, do we take away water from drinking fountains? That’s right I forgot to mention that part. The English teachers are not allowed (NOT ALLOWED) to let the kids have 15 minutes a day of reading time, that was taken away too. So there are no reading books in school, and this time it’s not because they are replaced with e-readers, it’s because reading isn’t part of their education. If this keeps going on, I picture in 10 years the books being removed from their dusty, cobwebbed shelves, with brittle, weak, unloved spines that break as they are heaved into a disgusting, filthy dumpster. Where, written on the outside of the dumpster, well, more drawn, are pictures scribbled in graffiti by former students whose education took the same turn as those poor books… the dumpster. My poor husband has fought to the point of fear of losing his job, something no one can afford. Soon the goose step will be the only step these teachers are allowed to make, come on America, this is not Hitler Germany, books are great things and children should be encouraged to read them and the more the better, not shot down for it. There should be something we can do to save our books, our libraries, our schools, and most importantly, our children’s education.

*** Additional 5/06/2011 at 3:24 pst~ I had almost forgotten one other thing they did regarding the textbooks and reading books. Last year the English teachers were teaching with Springboard (link-> http://springboardprogram.collegeboard.org/?s_kwcid=TC|7002|springboard||S|e|6822379724 ).  This wonderful program allowed teachers to have the students read excerpts from a very large variety of novels, news articles, and also watch clips of movies. Oh, and did I mention that these books were free and consumable so the kids could write notes and such in them? They were free on a grant from Paramount Farms (link – http://www.paramountfarms.com/#perfectgrowing ).Paramount is awesome, they love helping education and giving scholarships, but the grant was only for Springboard and with that gone they were not going to buy the English department new textbooks. Yes, the school took away Springboard and said that it didn’t state the CA standards in it.  This meant the school needed to buy new textbooks.  This cost about $125,000 and caused an uproar. The teachers and students both don’t like the new textbooks. Little can be done here because the grant is now lost and the students and teachers are stuck.

Vampires don’t die…

I’ve been reading a lot of media lately that has made it sound like vampires are dead.  Well, the living dead maybe, but the truth is vampires just don’t die… at least not in literature or in films.  Sometimes they seem to take a nap, or not be as noticed, but over all people love them.  With a number of reasons why… There is a ‘what if’ feeling when we read about them, “What if that were me?”  There is a mystery to them, “What is their past?”  “How long have they lived?”  There is a small little mischievous wish and hope for them to be real just like there is to be turned into one.  “That would be cool, but I wouldn’t want to be their snack.”  The angelic side of everyone says, “I would never want to be one.”  And there is the disobedient side that smiles at the thought, “I would be different.  I would be nice… nice and very well off.”  Lets face it, that’s one of the drawing points to them is the idea of everlasting wealth, that and the whole not aging thing.  The wealth is just a bonus, because if one only needs to drink blood and not much can do physical harm, or cause illness to them, what does one really need cash for?  All of that money would go to play.  These are the points that draw a large amount of us to these creatures of the night.  Yes, the inability to have babies, some sunlight might be bad, maybe no reflection, and/or having an odd fear of religious symbols have drawbacks.  But when it’s looked at as a whole, never being sick again, staying young, no more blemishes, money and gold, power to control or manipulate, everlasting life, still looking normal, and/or having an awesome ability, who cares if the local village is a little nervous when you’re around.  Truthfully, I wouldn’t want to sparkle… ever (but that’s only one author’s view point), I could never take another person’s life, and I would miss my family, but to be able to sit and dream through a book or movie what I would be like as an immortal, well, I will never be tired of that.  I know I’m not alone.  Reading and watching about vampires is one of America’s favorite pastimes.  Thanks to Halloween, there is even a time of year that helps to keep them living even though they are dead.

This is so lame that I have to write this…

NOTE, before anything else is said, I want to say this ~ I love children’s books and I have two YA books in mind with outlines written.  I think very highly of authors who write children’s book because they help teach and grow young minds, and without that step no one would be reading any higher.  With this post I just wanted to make clear the age group for this book so no one buys the wrong type of book, plus I don’t get bad reviews and I do get sales.  My cover and subject matter would not interest most young children.

When my book (The Strongest Fire) first came out, one of my family members did not get a lot of info about it and started talking and sharing with others about how I wrote a ‘children’s book.’  They did it on the web and to most of my family (before I had a chance) and some friends.  They made it sound like the interest level of it was for about 8 years old.  This wasn’t, and still isn’t, good for my sales at all.  It’s falsely advertizing what my book is, making it sound like something it isn’t, and hurting my sales not just some online but with my family that doesn’t have little ones.  My book is for older teens and up.  My husband (who, as most of you know, is a high school librarian) says it’s what’s called an ‘adult for young adult’ meaning that adults, college age students, and older teens will more than likely enjoy it.  The person who advertized about The Strongest Fire did not talk to me first nor did they have permission, they had nothing to do with this book or any following/future book, and in over stepping every boundary they are still hurting my sales.  Also, they did not get any of the book information from me.

The reason I am posting about this now instead of when it first happened is I tried to rectify the problem back then, discreetly, and I thought I had. But I am still having people ask me how my “children’s book is doing.”  I’ve had a couple family members and one inquiry (non family related) ask in the last month or so.  I am posting about it here in the hopes that I will reach a few people that were falsely told and I hope I don’t have to send out a correction e-mail to all of my family members.  Also, my book was just advertised in Publishers Weekly, with seven other non-children’s books.  They tried to place it with a group of books that would interest some of the same age groups.

To those out there who think that they are helping, get all the facts first (and permission) because you might be like the current flowing in the wrong direction.  Now the ‘helped’ person is fighting with their oars against the tide and their progression has to do more with repairs than getting anywhere.  This is upsetting, wrong, frustrating, time consuming, and hurtful.  It is also more like what an enemy would do, not a friend, and definitely not a family member, even if they thought their intentions were good.

The sad, and upsetting, truth is, if this person had been interested in ‘helping’ with my sales the least they could have done was take 15 minutes of their time, look up my website and learn more about my book… but they didn’t until they had already spouted all the falsenesses about it.  And I really did not want to ever have to write this post.  It sounds bitter and harsh, two things that I am not.  But I am being forced to either correct this, or not have the right types of sales/any sales at all.

Sony Reader, Kindle, Nook, Books, or Computer…

I seem to get a number of people who check here about my few posts on the Kindle, Sony Reader, and the Nook.  So I decided, since we do have all three, to do a post about the pros and cons of each one.  But first, I will explain why we have all three.  My husband’s job position has many perks, one being that he is given some devices for free if, and when, he is in programs or places requests.  He is, after all, a high school librarian and if Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Sony were able to convince an entire school that going electronic for text books is a good idea, think of the money they would receive!  Also, think of the students backs they would save.  I am for the text book change out to e-readers, but I don’t believe in the library replacement of the e-reader.  So, over the last 2 years, my husband has been given e-readers to try out.  The Sony Reader and the Kindle were given to him last year back-to-back.  Then, about a month ago, he received the Nook.  We also gave my oldest daughter a Nook for Christmas.  She loves it.  But I will get into that in the pros and cons.  I am aware that there are a few lesser known models out there, just like when the iPod emerged there were a number (and still are) of “generic” mp3 players.  I’m only going to talk about the major e-readers and their competition with each other.
Note ~ some of the pros and cons are personal, but that allows you to know if that is something you would enjoy or not.

Sony Reader 700 ~
Pros –
Plays music
Compatible with many e-book formats
Syncs and allows storing books on computer
Touch-screen with stylus use
Slots of SD cards allow higher amount of storage
Different colors are available

Cons –
Recently fixed problem, but when it first came out it would not agree with the Mac
Smaller store (Sony’s)
Not as comfortable to hold, cold feeling
Technology weaker

Pocket Edition price ~ $199
Touch Edition price ~ $299
Daily Edition price ~ $399

Kindle 2 ~
Pros –
Good display
Quick start and turning pages
Wireless access to bookstore and some internet
Over 390,000 available titles and growth with strong company
Many accessories already available
Sample of books available
Great battery
Best prices (books)
Promised that no ‘book’ will be over $10
A device that reads words for the reader. This is wonderful for a dyslexic or an odd word from the dictionary.

Cons –
The device that reads words for the reader doesn’t always read the word correctly
Not all books allow reading even though they advertised they would (due to lawsuit)
No growth on storage
No sync with computer
No audio player
No color and lack of growth on gadgets
Lighting is poor
There have been a few times where a ‘book’ was priced over $10

Kindle price ~ $259
Kindle DX Price ~ $489

Nook ~
Pros –
Over 1,000,000 books available for it already with strong backing of book companies
Expandable storage
Syncs with computer
Audio player
Ability to lend books to others who own Nook
Color display with book cover browsing
Wireless access to bookstore
Sample of books available
Good lighting and ability to adjust it for display
Android OS so easily could add gadgets or features in future
Browse entire books with it in store
Touch-screen

Cons –
Just like the Wii of the gaming world, this thing is a little hard to get your hands on
Lack of internet ability
Battery does not last like it should
Won’t read book to you (wanted to avoid lawsuit?)
Lack of accessories
Initially slow on starting and selection, they are apparently working on that to fix during system updates

Nook Price ~ $250

Computer ~
Pros –
There is enough storage space on most computers for more books than one can imagine
Computers are very common and don’t add on an extra expense of a new device

Cons –
It’s very hard for most of us to stare at the monitor for a long amount of time and relax
I find things like wanting to write, blog, shop, or tweet a distraction when I’m on the computer

Prices vary

Books ~
Pros –
Book marks, I love pretty, fun, interesting bookmarks but with all the readers they are unnecessary
Flipping pages, I enjoy flipping to the next chapter and reading the title
Looking on the shelf, I like things bigger than a thumbnail picture at times. I like looking on the shelf pulling it out and reading the back.
Are a sure thing, they have been around for a very long time. So no one needs to worry about if books are a ‘fad’ although some think they might one day be like a scroll
No electricity or battery is needed to make a book work

Cons –
Space, as much as I love books, they do tend to pile up all around me.
Travel space, when I travel and I want to bring books, my husband wants to bring books, and both my daughters want to bring books. Once we have packed all that we will read there is no room for us or our clothes on a trip.

Prices vary

Here is a small way to fix some problems and complaints with just about all e-readers.  If you enjoy reading in the tub, place your e-reader in a nice Ziploc storage bag all sealed up, that will keep the water out in case of a drop.  You will still be able to press buttons and turn pages, and the touch-screen should work.  This is also good if you enjoy sticky foods while reading or having a beverage.
E-readers, in general, do make it nice for when it is very difficult to get out and buy a new book.  Over all the ‘books’ are cheaper to buy than a physical copy, but it is easy to get carried away with, “Oh I’ll just buy one book right now.” And not keep track of how much is being spent.
Kindle and Nook offer magazines and newspapers from all over that can be delivered daily.  This is great if you love the San Francisco Chronicle or Sacramento Bee but live in a place like Mariposa where finding these papers are a little difficult. I think that the Sony Daily may be the only one that Sony offers that can do this.  We have never tried to use the Sony for magazines or new papers.
They all also have font size changes some only offer 3 (Sony Reader Pocket Edition) while others offer 6 (Kindle 2).
I enjoy books best and the computer the least.  I can see many reasons to own an e-reader.  My oldest has one because she ran out of room for more books in her bedroom and doesn’t want to part with any of her books.  I don’t blame her.  I have a garage full of books that I don’t want to part with.

I will update this for time to time and please feel free to leave any comments adding to my lists or if there is anything wrong please feel free to let me know.  Also if you have any questions I will do my best to answer and give a timely response.

Oh, and one more plus for the Kindle, is my book is on it.  My book should also be in the Sony Reader but they are taking near a month at this point to add it on.  This shows me that with some titles they are very slow to add.  My publisher doesn’t have a contract with B&N for the Nook… yet.  But give it time, the Nook is the new kid in town.

Sony Reader link

http://www.sonystyle.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?catalogId=10551&storeId=10151&langId=-1&categoryId=8198552921644523779&XID=O:sony%20reader:dg_read_gglsrch

Sony’s site with a comparison to the Kindle

http://www.sonystyle.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ContentDisplayView?hideHeaderFooter=false&storeId=10151&catalogId=10551&langId=-1&cmsId=reader_kindle_comparison

Kindle link

http://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Wireless-Reading-Display-Generation/dp/B0015T963C/ref=amb_link_86425631_2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-1&pf_rd_r=182VM7AQD0K51V665WE9&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=507453471&pf_rd_i=507846

Nook link

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/nook/index.asp

I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!  Please drive safe.

Additional ~ Added on Jan 2, 2010

Kindle has a pro/con feature.  There can be many Kindles on one Kindle account.  This makes ALL of the books on that account accessible to each Kindle.  But only 5-6 can read the same book at the same time.  This is wonderful for people who share the same interests BUT if you share with a 10 year old, who is an avid reader and you’re a big steamy romance reader and you don’t feel she or he is ready for that, this could be a problem.  (That is just an example)  All of the books on one account are shared with all of the Kindle owners on that same account.  This is a wonderful feature if you have a house full of college kids and they’re taking some of the same courses.  That’s why this is a pro/con, it all depends on who you’re sharing with.

Below is a link to a small article about the Sony Reader getting an additional 500,000 free titles.  Please always keep in mind when you hear that book titles are free, it almost always means that they no longer have a copyright and that the book is public domain.  Google also offers these titles for free on Google.  My husband told me that the Nook can get these books too, because they have a contract with Google and they are already pdf formatted. The Nook offers more formats than any other e-reader.  People who own the Kindle can buy pay a charge per use to have pdf formatted material sent to their Kindle and put it on, but apparently they don’t look good and it is a pain.

Sony/Google link from March 2009

http://www.downloadsquad.com/2009/03/19/google-makes-500-000-free-ebooks-available-for-sony-reader/

Google also has these books for free online.  Here is a link to some of what you can get for free…

http://books.google.com/books?q=%20subject%3A%22Literature%22&as_brr=4&rview=1&source=gbs_hplp_fict

Sarah vs. The Turkey…

I was once chased by a wild turkey… well semi-wild and it wanted my soul, or something. It definitely was not chasing me down for a hug or returning a dropped wallet.
When I was a junior in high school I had an odd English class. One half of the year it was taught by a coach and one half of the year by the drama teacher. Our school was shy an English teacher for just one period. Some people thought it was awful, but I think I received the best education that year. They both had a different approach to English that was captivating and challenging. And even though I still complain a little now, I learned a lot from the Walden Pond assignment. Although, I am not sure I learned exactly what I was supposed to learn.
The drama teacher decided to have us do an assignment that he had to do in college. We were to go into nature, have no one else around, have nothing that was entertainment, or anything too civilized. We were told that we couldn’t even take fishing polls or see civilization. We also had to document in a journal all events, preferably every hour. I assumed watches were completely allowed. He wanted us to do the project over the weekend. I was wondering the entire time he spoke, “How am I going to convince my mother that I needed to get lost in the woods for 7 hours?” My grandparents and my aunt had some land in Mariposa that they shared. It was over 20 acres large and I always ended up with poison oak when I went hiking there. I still wanted to go up to their cabin to do this project.
I pondered all day about how I was going to ask. My mother had class that night after work and this bought me time to think. My mother walked in the door and before I said a word she said, “I don’t want to hear any bitching from you or your bother, we have to go to Mariposa. My teacher is making us do a Walden Pond assignment.” I found out later that she had the same teacher as my teacher had when he was in college. She and I talked for a short while on the project. She only needed to be out in the wilderness for 3 hours, not 7.
We went to Mariposa and my brother got to bring a friend to help keep him out of the way. He was 16; his Super Nintendo alone should have kept him out of the way. Before we left my aunt warned us that a guy a few roads over just let out 12 turkeys because he was being kicked off his land and that turkeys can get fairly aggressive. My mom said she wasn’t too worried, she was just going to tan by the cabin, listen to music and if I turkey came near she would go inside. I was miffed. She wasn’t going to do her assignment like she should. I had planned on doing every little bit of it (well, all but peeing in the bushes, I did not want to end up with poison oak there!). I had already decided that I would even document that. I was not going to lie.
On the windy and bumpy drive leading to the cabin a turkey ran in front of our car. It was bigger than I thought. Upon reaching our destination another turkey was in our front yard. My brother and his friend tried to chase it off, but the turkey in turn chased them. While the two boys were running all over the country side, my mother looked at me and said, “Well, that should keep the birds busy. Let’s get the car unpacked.” Never mind that there were wild and crazy turkeys out there chasing one of her children already. Was she going to trip me if the turkey came back and use her other child as live turkey feed for her own personal escape? I got out and unpacked the car. After the first load to the house, where she carried near nothing, she said, “Why don’t you bring everything to the door and I will take the bags to the rooms?” Great, I felt like she just tripped me to free herself from the turkey. An image flashed before me, my mother slamming the door closed as I’m running up to it, being chased by a flesh eating turkey, locked out and left for dead. I tried to shake the image from my head as I carried very large loads to the door all the while being rushed by my mother.
My brother and his friend ran across the yard screaming and yelled, “Are they still chasing us?”
“They?” I said as I looked behind him. There were two running after them. I yelled, “Two! Split up!”
“NO! You never split up in a horror movie!” my brother’s friend yelled while grabbing a push broom that was on the side of the house. I was as still as could be. I thought of the seen with the raptors in Jurassic Park. All I had to do was grab the one bag in front of me, shut the trunk, and make it into the house. I did it all as fast as I could move. I didn’t think the birds saw me. Once in the house, I saw my brother was at the glass back door and my mother was in the bathroom with the door shut and locked. I let my brother in but his friend was still out there. My brother ran to the kitchen window and looked out. His friend had a broom and was swinging it at the bird.
My brother and I looked at one another. “He is my guest,” he said as he went to the back door opened it and yelled, “RUN!” His friend ran for the door and once inside started to laugh like a madman.
My mother emerged from the bathroom. “Who’s next? Those long car rides just make a person need to go.”
It was near dinner time, so I would need to go on my venture the next day. I got a hold of the very cute and friendly ‘boy next door’ (next door there is about 3 or 4 blocks over). He let me know that only 2 of the turkeys were left. A few of the birds had been shot, some just died, and one was hit by a truck. From what he said it did do some damage before it went. His little sister was scared to go outside because the birds were so mean. I told him of my class project and he promised if he saw any turkeys he would chase them down the hill and not towards me. I was very leery of going into the wild wilderness now. Before my biggest worry was poison oak and mosquitoes, now I had to fear massive, freakish birds with a taste for human blood.
I readied myself the next day. I brought OFF!®, a blanket to sit on, my notebook, a pen, a few pencils, a couple pbjs, and a stick… a very long stick. I walked out the door, past my mother sunbathing and listening to old 60’s and 70’s music. I shook my head as I walked by. I went to a spot that was a little thick with brush so I would hear them if they came. There was a crib of rocks near by I could climb up and scream if I needed. I looked out at the woods. I heard birds and thought of the turkeys. I heard leaves and thought of the turkeys. Every journal entry was full of my new found fear of turkeys. I wondered back to the cabin for a bathroom trip twice in the 7 hours (my bladder was stronger then) and saw no turkeys. As it grew time for dinner I wasn’t as worried and felt I had picked a safe place. I packed up my things. I stayed an extra 15 minutes because I felt guilty about the trips to the bathroom.
I went to the cabin, nothing. I went in and made dinner. My mother sat down and started looking over my journal. The night came and went. After I had my shower my mother told me to pack the car while she took hers. My brother and his friend were out hiking to the tip of “lookout rock” to see if the day was clear enough to see Yosemite.
I put all of the bags in the car and as I shut the trunk I saw a head pop out from the overgrown grass and weeds near by. I looked over at it. It was the turkey. The turkey cocked its head at me and charged. I ran like hell screaming “TURKEY!” I ran circles around the cabin.
Soon my brother and his friend were back. They were yelling and screaming at the bird. Things like, “I’m going to eat you!” “I’ve been waiting for this!” “Your time has come!” “Luke, I am your father.” and lots of profanity. I jumped in the car and wished I knew how to drive. My mother, done with her shower, looked out one of the windows and watched.
The boys never hurt the turkey. They did scare the hell out of it and the man down the hill, with the two asses in his yard, fired a gun. My brother said he warned them first and they moved out of the way. He missed but it freaked the bird out enough for us to make our escape.
I vowed, while I was rubbing Campho-Phenique© onto my poison oak patches, that I will forever and always enjoy turkey. I will never feel guilt of any kind for devouring poultry. That year my family enjoyed turkey more than we ever had. While we sat at my grandparents table, taking pleasure in our wonderful meal, we all talked about different run-ins we had with the birds. We found out how the last one met its maker. My uncles went hunting.